Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
