some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
