I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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