similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize