Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
