i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
