I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he thought i was a dude.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
