i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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