I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
