Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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