You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
