So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
