in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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