dude i'm inner monologue high
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
