Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize