where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
