She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
