we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
