no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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