He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was confusing and full of hummus
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
