theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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