just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
