how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
