In the future we'll all be gay
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
third nipple confirmed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
