just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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