the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
