This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
