A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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