The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
