Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
