He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize