I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
