If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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