you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
