so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im holly from the hills drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
