i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
