I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
