Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
