FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
