Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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