What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
