My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize