CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
