her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
