Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
