So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i now understand why vodka
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
