Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
