i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
