I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
