i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
