They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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