Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
