Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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