smell my finger.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
