What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize