I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
