he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
