Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
