I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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