u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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