Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
