My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
