Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
