No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize