Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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