she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
