I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
