Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
