it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
