i think my mom watched the whole time
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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