you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
