So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize