Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
