I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
