once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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