Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's like iHOP with fire
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
a search helicopter?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize